Evan Wecksell - Blog

When I told everyone I was moving to California, the first thing everyone said had to do with the weather. "It’s nice there." "I wish I was there." Or they would make the surfer sign with their hands and say "cowabunga." How Ninja Turtle of you.

My problem with the weather is the same problem women have with nice guys. Nice is boring. Everyday is always nice, always sunny. The weathermen here have nothing to work with yet somehow the stations employ them year-round. They should just make the weatherman a temp so they can tape him for a week and then run it every seven days. The Californians won’t know the difference while the weatherman goes back to his employment agency for his next assignment.

I like how the weatherman realizes how boring the weather here is so he tries to catch people off guard by reporting all these low numbers. "It’s 12 in Hollywood, 10 in Riverside and only 6 in Ventura." Dude, you’re talking about the wind speeds. I guess I’ll bundle up in a windbreaker while I’m at it. If it wasn’t for offices, restaurants and the law I would never wear a shirt.

The worst part is how people here complain when the weather here is anything less than perfect. "Oh my goodness, it’s 72. I’m so chilly." Are you kidding? 72 is room temperature. I know people in New England who would cut you in the winter for half that.

After the weather, people always mention the traffic to me as does every single radio station here every ten minutes. You can go two ways on traffic reports, either tell us every single problem on the road in LA (and the OC) or don’t tell us anything. Because I can do the traffic in one sentence: "Everyone could be going faster." It’s magic! I guess what I’m trying to say is there are three things that Los Angeles always has: sunshine, traffic and accessible porn. Ah, the lengths you go to just to tell a porn joke.

New York Ramblings - 5/1

In the tradition of ESPN.com’s The Sports Guy, here’s a lightning round of what happened each day while I was in New York. While it’s always tough to go home after you move out, at least there was a lot of food in the refrigerator.

Thursday, April 21 - Munchaba Lounge
It was still a spoken word night, but DJ Nemesis Enforcer seemed to be a big rave fan. To get in, the password was ecstasy. Now the ultimate question - If you are doing stand-up for a bunch of stoners, and they’re too "relaxed" to laugh, do they count as audience? At least they liked the Pope stuff.

Friday, April 22 - Jack Dempsey’s & Poole Party
Dempsey’s had audience from Ireland, Denmark, Amsterdam and Rhode Island. So my comedy reached three countries and two states in one venue. Knowing how to play "Sunday Bloody Sunday" paid dividends. The Rhode Islanders seemed lost so I just talked about grain alcohol (legal in R.I.). I knew that state was good for something.
The Poole Party was insane! Ron Poole is insane! The crowd was insane! Ron made out with a MILF while her teenage son and his girlfriend watched. Flamboyant would be an understatement. Check this show out at RonPoole.com!

Saturday, April 23 - Poole Party, Underground Lounge
Ron Poole had me back much to my delight. More insanity with people from Wisconsin to South Dakota. Did you know South Dakota has cell phones?
Left to emcee Underground. A small crowd where half of them are drunk, sketchy dudes "doing their own thing" in the front. While I was never more hack with this line, I had to say it: "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart." Only took a few comics for them to get thrown out. Comedy history was made that night when one of the early comics, whose act was ruined by the dudes, went on a second time in the same show!! Has this ever been done. It’s like when you already say goodbye to someone yet you run into them again so you must ignore or else the universe ends.

Sunday, April 24 - Race in Central Park
Ran 4 miles in less than 26 minutes. I lined up too far back as I spent my first mile running past kids from IS 30 in Brooklyn. Is it wrong to push them aside if they’re breaking my stride?

Monday, April 25 - Long Island University, Southampton
I’ve been waiting over 2 1/2 years for the response I got from this show. I brought Southampton College a free show to help them forget that their school was closing. Props to Joe DeVito, Tom Kelly, Danny Leavy and Billy Bingo for also bringing the funny.

Tuesday, April 26 - Yankees vs Angels
Saw the A-Rod 10 RBI game. Apparently he’s now officially a Yankee. Can’t figure that out. They won one game and then lost the next four of five. I guess that’s what true Yankees are - individual superstars who lost their mojo as a team. It’s a long season, but they look old. More injuries are a coming.

Wednesday, April 27 - Munchaba Lounge
Hosted the infamous music night featuring the Gangsta Rabbi, Steve Lieberman. Picture a non-threatening Charles Manson mixed with a cracked out Ron Jeremy. This guy is one of my heroes. He has high blood pressure and his hands go numb if he plays more than 45 minutes. He also wore a hospital bracelet. What did he play? A grunted version of Greenday’s "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Just applaud him now. There were other acts, but they were too sane to remember.