California Weather
When I told everyone I was moving to California, the first thing everyone said had to do with the weather. "It’s nice there." "I wish I was there." Or they would make the surfer sign with their hands and say "cowabunga." How Ninja Turtle of you.
My problem with the weather is the same problem women have with nice guys. Nice is boring. Everyday is always nice, always sunny. The weathermen here have nothing to work with yet somehow the stations employ them year-round. They should just make the weatherman a temp so they can tape him for a week and then run it every seven days. The Californians won’t know the difference while the weatherman goes back to his employment agency for his next assignment.
I like how the weatherman realizes how boring the weather here is so he tries to catch people off guard by reporting all these low numbers. "It’s 12 in Hollywood, 10 in Riverside and only 6 in Ventura." Dude, you’re talking about the wind speeds. I guess I’ll bundle up in a windbreaker while I’m at it. If it wasn’t for offices, restaurants and the law I would never wear a shirt.
The worst part is how people here complain when the weather here is anything less than perfect. "Oh my goodness, it’s 72. I’m so chilly." Are you kidding? 72 is room temperature. I know people in New England who would cut you in the winter for half that.
After the weather, people always mention the traffic to me as does every single radio station here every ten minutes. You can go two ways on traffic reports, either tell us every single problem on the road in LA (and the OC) or don’t tell us anything. Because I can do the traffic in one sentence: "Everyone could be going faster." It’s magic! I guess what I’m trying to say is there are three things that Los Angeles always has: sunshine, traffic and accessible porn. Ah, the lengths you go to just to tell a porn joke.
